ICE confirmed today that its agents are in fact now waiting at the base of trees to zip-tie leaves in bags the moment they turn brown and then carry them away in unmarked vans to unknown locations.

“When I look around American streets lately, all I see is brown and I for one am sick of it,” said one agent so proud of his relative white beauty he hides behind a gaiter that definitely isn’t giving him adult acne. “Not a single one can even speak English.” […]