The devils lettuce is actually just marketing. It’s actually moss of the gods.

Speak for yourself. A tyrannical dictator paid me hundreds of thousands of dollars just to feed me turkey and deviled eggs in an enclosed room with some kind of fan and concentration chamber.

Bro, you’re missing out, bro. Let’s just hot box our farts together. It’s super good for you, bro.

Mine smells like freshly baked cookies.

My dog likes to stretch his front legs as he’s getting off the couch, and in doing so, always, ALWAYS farts with these butthole spasms where it opens and closes several times. It’s a fucking horror show. It’s like watching the good place then suddenly cut to real life footage of a murder. Straight up traumatizing.

That’s rarely been my case. Usually it’s “it smells like someone died a few days ago but I’m not calling the cops”

That’s how you know you’ve succeeded in life.

I hate Walmart on such an epic level that in the few times I’m forced to go there, I’m disappointed when I can’t crop dust someone in there.

That south park episode where they fart in champagne glasses comes to mind.

I did a silent but deadly in a gas station line once and made a kid cry because of it. Never been more proud in my life.

Ugh. I agree with this. But I don’t, at the same time. I’m of the opinion that people need to expire. There was a time where we could make the world a better place by working with people, but some just shouldn’t exist. Some people just can’t be reasoned with.

Widespread violence and voting? That’s the answer.

I’d prefer it to be non-innocent Americans, and those in schools are the only innocents here.

HOME INVASION IS A CONSTANT THREAT IN EVERY TOWN IN AMERICA!!!

We need new ways to thin the herd. This went away, they started printing danger labels on Dr. Pepper, we had people walking off cliffs for pokemon, but I’m not sure that exists anymore. How do we do it now? We could start bombing country music concerts but that just feels so artificial.

I saved so much money by cutting shitty people out of my life.

I feel like not enough people understand what you’re saying or how real it is…

Kill it!

High beams are worse because they direct the light up and out. And assholes think they can get away with it because they don’t have “the bright” lights.

Or! And hear me out, here. A wile E. Coyote style painted brick wall.