But the problem with flirting is that you may be dealing with a complete idiot like me who cannot read signals and youll end ip leaving that oerson in the dark forever aboitbwhat you really feel, or you may send signals to anither party who doesnt want to spoin your friendship, and thirdly it can lead to people eventually shutting down away from all forms of reltionships bith platonic and romantic.
Like you can look up the dozens of stories of where a person , Person A was flirting with another person , Person B, and Person B was completely obliviois to what the hell Person A was doing.
One of my favorite stories was one where a lady would ALWAYS invite the same guy to her college dorm room so they could ‘study’ together. After few months of ‘studying’ tigether (he would always focus solely on studying when she was typically thinking about ither things… ) she said ‘Lets play a game’ . Basically the ‘game’ was that they both take off ALL ctheir clothes as fast as possiblr and hide under her blanket. They played this game for months and months …and… he still didnt pick up on the hint. It wasnt until long after they were both married and divorced to other people that she finally revealed to him what she felt about him. He said he felt the same way about her but he didnt have the coirage to say anything to her. See? Now they both lost out on a relstionship that may not have ended in divorce as their previous relationships had… all because they both didnt have the courage to say anything to each other. And knowing myself? I would also be unable to pick up on a signal like this.
TTheres also a second problem with flirting is that men tend to be so lack of social and ohysical intimacy thst they see ALL positivity and vulnerability shown to them as flirting when in truth the person who is being kind and touchy towarrds them simoly wants to be a kind and huggy friend. ANd there is nothing wrong with being a kind and huggy friend. Humans NEED vulnerability . Humans NEED physical intimacy to relieve our touch starvations. Ive read like a dozen stories of both men and women, but mostly women, who have stopped showing their male friends physical intimacy and vulnerableness or who have stopped naking male friends completely because the males interpret it as flirting . And Im a male and I can agree that if someone showed me ANY kindness I would interpret it as flirting too.
And thirdly , people who have repeatedly misinterpreted kindness , physical intimacy and vulnerability as flirting also have a third problem where eventually they just start ignoring ALL signals because theyre so scared to misinterpret anything. People like this can become so lonely that its like theyre living in solitary confinement
In my opinion sending mixed signals is toxic and should be done away with forever
If yoy feel some type of way about a person ? You must tell them directly or NEVER give them any mixed signalsat all. And if you do tell them you you must do it with full with confidence BUT you have to have two parts to your plan before you tell them: First part of the plan is that you have to have an ‘escape plan’ to cut your relationship with that person or their associates if you feel thst your romantic feelings for this person will interfere with you platonic relationship with them or their associates , second aprt of the plan is ofcourse to tell them and be confident with wjo you are and with accepting rejection. Ive come to realization that mixed signals is a way of a person telling ‘HELL NO’ because if you arent confident enough in yourself to admit that you want to date me or you want to accept my request to date you?.. Why would I want to date you? A person who is confused about their love for me is confised about who they are as a person. That relationship also goes the other way . End of story. I was reading that article from ‘No Nonsense Sel-Defence’ and thy came to this conclusion… and theyre right!
… so you didnt read anything I wrote? OK lol. ( “Hey everyone! Remember to send mixed signals to EVERYONE youre ever involved with in life that way nobody you kniw if you want to be their friend, their lover , non-contact, or their enemy. Works every time 6 or 7% of the time.” 🤭)
… THATS THE POINT OF DATING. HELLO?! Its a headspinningly-fast or unusually-slow process where you come to understand if you like, love, or dislike the person. Doesnt matter f you date that person for only 75 days or for over 75 years. The process of dating can take however long it has to take for all parties involved. It is up to all parties invovled in that relationship to communicate , wait and see how they see the other person , to consensually hasten things up with everyone involved and make the dating process occur to exclusive consumation much quicker or to blow the relationahip up for now cause you and the other people involved just are too incompatible at this time. Indeed dating is compex but you shouldnt be leaving someone in an ‘No-Mans-Land’ where they have no idea of what you feel towards them or others. Tell people exactly what you feel towards them in quiet , private , safe spaces and leave NOTHING up for question .
If someone keeps on and keeps on hitting on you and you even feel a tiny itsy bitsy amount of interest in them? How are you an adult and you dont have the courage to reciprocare and use your words and tell this person " YES! No more games! I am also somewhat interested in you and we should begin the process of getting to know each other! Because maybe eventually Ill like you way more than you like me. " ? (Well obviously I mean dont say it like am AI robot like that. But please be direct with them) If you have absolutely no interest in the person hitting on you? You should have the courage to just say so to them in a safe space and/or go no-contact if you feel in danger. If you go no-contact without saying something? Most people will eventually get the idea and just leave you alone. YOure an adult. You shouldnt be playing mind games with peoples hearts . Im pretty sure that most people will agree eith me when I say humans who receive mixed signals for decades and decades and keep on misinterpeting those muxed signals for decades and decades eventually shut down completely and no longer respond to or send ANY signals ever. Thats another reaon why we have so many middle aged lonely people who eventually die of deaths of despair - their despair is so great cause they dont know what humanity feels about them when they themselves are a peaceful, quiet human too. Do you want to be the reason a person shuts down forever? Cause this is how you get some lonely person to shut down forever.
Also another thing to add is that there are some people who are on the spectrum who wil never understand what in the fuck a signal is and there is nothing wrong with that . BUT some of these same people do also get horny too , just like most other non-asexual peoples, and they still want to date too. There is nothing wrong with them wanting to date. But for people like this if they give you a direct question of: “Do you want to date me?” any "half-approval-half-declination’ response from you will leave the person in No-Mans-Land lol.