flicker

I’ve now achieved peak humor.

The N*Sync of Vases

Buy buy buy!

My boyfriend asked me why I kept helping people when they don’t appreciate me, and I told him honestly that I never help more than is painless for be, but also, I made a decision about who I want to be, and I won’t let other people being assholes change that.

The one in a million person whose life is touch, who really needed it, who can live a better, happier life because of me, is worth fifty assholes. Maybe even a hundred.

It keeps popping up in my feed and I have to say… those men aren’t dull.

I’m playing a video game lately that allows you to stop time, and I keep thinking, the first thing I’d do is relax. Downtime (time where you’re forced to be unproductive) and downtime (time where you’re fine but have no need to be productive) are two very different things.

Become ungovernable.

It’s a direct quote from the lobster himself, so it must be true!

That is John Fucking Zoidberg, and he deserves more respect.

Why did I read this like patch notes on a game?

I am phenomenally excited about that. I hope it becomes a universal thing.

I want to offer you a new superpower.

When I say, “bless you,” when someone sneezes, if someone asks me, “You aren’t religious! Who are you asking to bless me?” I answer;

“No one. I’m the one blessing you.”

So I guess, this time, you could say, “You’re doing a good thing.”

If I open my door Thursday night and go to put candy in someone’s bag and see a toothbrush, I’m giving them a second handful of candy.

I wonder if this is what people felt like when they first started reading about AIDs. We used to have it so good…

Oh my God! No, thank you!

Poor man.

I’m pretty open with my struggles with depression and how I managed to actually overcome them with persistence and treatment. So, no, we’re not.

Won’t be lettin strangers on the internet erase all my hard work.

The bar is in hell.

Also Black Wall Street got hate crimed off the face of the earth, so I’d say “white capitalism” is fair enough.

A lady confessed to killing her first husband.

She said that he was wonderful, kind, caring, right up until she had her firstborn. Then he struck her.

She said she killed him (while he was sleeping), buried him in the garden, and that night she moved “the next state over.” She married a different man (who claimed he fathered her firstborn) and they had many years and many other children together.

I want yall to know the best part of working with senile elderly folks is how often they’ll tell you the most insane stuff.

I made a dhampir in pathfinder based on several truths about me and one of them was that I abhor direct sunlight.