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RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago

Logan Paul Claims Prime Perfectly Healthy For Average 9-Foot-Tall, 400-Pound Child

theonion.com

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Logan Paul Claims Prime Perfectly Healthy For Average 9-Foot-Tall, 400-Pound Child

theonion.com

RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to The Onion@midwest.socialEnglish · 2 years ago
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DORADO, PUERTO RICO—In response to concerns about the health effects of his popular line of drinks, YouTuber and entrepreneur Logan Paul claimed Thursday that Prime is perfectly healthy for the average 9-foot-tall, 400-pound child. “If Prime is consumed as recommended, there’s no reason that an ordinary 450-pound 8-year-old who’s nearly 10 feet tall should experience […]
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  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Chilling how effective a deluge of advertising can be on a population of 12-year-olds. Its easy to see how so many Americans were addicted to cigarettes from the 50s to the 70s. Just hammering people’s brains with lies and peer pressure.

    • bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net
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      2 years ago

      I saw prime bottles in a video about native american traditional woodcarvers.

      https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxG9lUS_JhRZYjAfm7HEnMIKTvnTQuWgAs?si=2n_6mcUqV3SmbdDo

      People drink way too many energy drinks up in Canada too.

      • Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        2 years ago

        Prime Bottles = gatorade-like.

        Prime Cans = caffeinated energy drink.

        Not sure how they got popular with such limited selection and a flavor somehow more watered down than gatorade but shrug

        • bane_killgrind@slrpnk.net
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          2 years ago

          Aaaahhh that makes more sense.

          The idea of these tranquil woodworkers blitzed on caffeine was what stuck out to me.

  • cybervseas@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    I ate the Onion

  • hesusingthespiritbomb@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Does anyone have the actual sales numbers for these things?

    They are basically perpetually on sale at Aldi and other discount grocers. I feel like you don’t do that unless you’re hurting for sales.

  • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Hear that Paul Wight? You didn’t have to leave WWE. Logan Paul can bring the Prime straight to you, and you can keep wearing diapers!

    (Not a chance I’d have the balls to say that straight to his face…but to be fair, who would?)

  • AlphaOmega@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Logan Paul is an animal abuser.

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